You are not alone if you have a deep desire for happiness. Whether you are seeking happiness again, or have never really felt happy, this discussion can give you some insights.
Picture life like a long road that winds through rolling hills. In the early stages of your journey, there’s a sense of excitement, optimism, and endless possibilities. As you climb that first hill — your twenties and thirties — you’re full of energy, ambitions, and plans. There’s so much ahead of you, and goals to achieve, and everything feels within reach.
But along the way, the landscape starts to change, usually in your forties or early fifties. You descend into a valley, and the path becomes more challenging. The goals that once seemed so clear can start to feel heavier. Responsibilities have piled up — perhaps it’s a demanding career, raising a family, or caring for aging parents. You might look around and wonder, “Is this it? Is this really what I’ve been striving for?”
The U-shape of Happiness
This valley represents a dip in happiness — the bottom of the U-shaped curve researchers have identified in people’s lives. It’s not that life has gone wrong, but rather that the combination of pressures, expectations, and the awareness of time passing starts to weigh on you. It’s a period of reevaluation. You might feel disillusioned or ask big questions like, “Am I where I thought I’d be?” or “Have I lived my life the way I wanted?”
The surprising thing about this U-shaped curve is that it’s normal. Across cultures and societies, people tend to experience this dip in happiness during middle age. It’s not just the external challenges — it’s also an internal shift. Around this time, many people realize that they may never achieve all their youthful dreams. Or they see the gap between where they are and where they once thought they’d be.
When you are at this stage of the happiness curve, there are two possible outcomes. You can either see that the road starts to rise again or you can get stuck in the valley.
While most people manage to rise out of the valley and begin to feel lighter, more content, and more at peace with themselves, the other side isn’t a given for everyone.
Feeling Stuck and Longing for More
For some, the valley becomes a place they struggle to leave. The natural dip in happiness that others recover from gets prolonged. Dissatisfaction and unhappiness stretch out well into later years. This happens when people enter the valley carrying the weight of unresolved trauma or negative experiences from earlier in life. Instead of the valley being a time of reflection and growth, it becomes a place where old wounds resurface and intensify the struggle.
Let’s take an example: someone in their forties who has spent years pushing down the pain of a difficult childhood or past relationship. When life’s natural challenges arise — work stress, relationship issues, health problems — they don’t just face those struggles in the moment. Unprocessed trauma from their past reawakens, and the burden becomes twice as heavy. The Valley isn’t just about feeling disillusioned with life’s pressures; it’s about facing deep emotional pain never dealt with.
Why you may be stuck in the valley?
In these cases, people get stuck instead of coming to a place of acceptance and peace as they move through the valley. They hold on to old narratives about themselves, carrying resentment, anger, or shame. They may continue to live through patterns of avoidance, denial, or self-blame, making it difficult to rise out of the valley. The normal U-shape curve that others experience is stretched longer and lower because they haven’t processed the emotional baggage from the past.
Many people drown their feelings in addictive behaviors like drinking, shopping, eating, or keeping busy with anything and everything. Or they deny or avoid any emotions.
This is because, trauma or unresolved negative experiences act like anchors, weighing the journey forward. While others start to experience relief and growth in their fifties, those with unhealed wounds may find the rise elusive. The happiness found after the valley — by letting go of external pressures and finding inner contentment — may remain out of reach for them. Life feels like an endless descent, even when there’s the possibility of ascent.
So, what’s the way out for those trapped in this prolonged valley?
First, acknowledge the pain and trauma you are carrying all these years. You can’t heal what you don’t face. Many people in midlife turn to therapy, counseling, or personal development work to finally address these deep wounds. It’s not easy work, but it’s essential for breaking free from the patterns that keep them stuck. By processing these emotions, they can begin to let go of the past and move forward with a sense of renewal.
Self-compassion is also crucial. For those who feel like they’ve missed the rise that others experience, it’s important to remember that healing doesn’t have a timeline. You haven’t failed just because your journey looks different. The rise can still happen, but it requires turning inward, being gentle with yourself, and being willing to do the deep emotional work avoided for years.
For those who manage to work through their trauma and process old pain, the ascent from the valley becomes even more meaningful. They might find a sense of peace and happiness that’s even deeper than what others experience because it’s hard-won. They’ve had to face their darkest fears, but in doing so, they’ve shed the burdens that kept them from living authentically.
There is Hope and Happiness
While the U-shape of happiness may be a common experience, not everyone’s curve looks the same. Some people rise quickly after the valley, while others take longer. But with the right support, self-awareness, and willingness to heal, it’s possible to rise out of even the deepest valleys and find peace and happiness on the other side. It’s never too late to experience the upward swing, even if the journey has been longer than expected.
This U-shaped happiness curve reminds us that life isn’t a straight line of endless growth. There are natural ebbs and flows. Sometimes, we dip into valleys where things feel tough. But those dips don’t last forever. As you move through that midlife valley, you transcend with a clearer perspective, a sense of peace, and a new kind of joy. It’s a reminder that happiness isn’t about constant achievement, but about how we evolve and grow through all the stages of life. And sometimes, the richest happiness comes after the deepest valleys.
Imagine avoiding the valley altogether or swiftly moving out to the other side. That is exactly why I created the “Authentic Success Blueprint”! Just because this is how it has been doesn’t mean it has to continue this way. Let’s change it for ourselves and the future generations. I want to help as many people as possible align with their authentic selves and be equipped to navigate life experiences with creativity, curiosity, and grace.
Leanne Giavedoni is a Transformation Coach and Spiritual Mentor helping you uncover the root of your challenges, break free from negative patterns, and navigate life’s transitions with clarity, purpose, and ease. Through her intuitive approach, she bridges traditional and metaphysical concepts to guide you toward a life of alignment, fulfillment, and lasting success.